When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
