she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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