when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
