someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
