I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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