I want to walk on stilts...naked
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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