I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
