I just saw a hot homeless man
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
