ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
