I cannot find my penis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
