It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
