Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
