i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Welp...herpes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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