he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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