is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
