Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
