fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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