Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
