Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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