I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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