why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
