Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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