So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
