Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
