I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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