I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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