I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
