Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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