So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
