She announced her abortion via fbk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
