Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
