I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
