is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
