The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
