but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
