Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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