...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
