Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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