There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
