there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
