[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
