I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
