it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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