If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
