Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
