It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
