Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
