Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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