If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
