Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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