I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
