So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
honey bunches of taint.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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