For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
