hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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