Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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