bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
