Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
