Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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