Banned from zoo.
Again?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
