So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
