I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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