I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
