oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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