Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
