i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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