If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
