The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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