i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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