Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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