Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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