You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
