Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
