I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
