every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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